As I struggled to write an email to a friend that has been given a short time to live, I am somberly contemplating goodbyes.
I realized, a long time ago, I am not good at saying goodbye. As a child, I was the girl that was homesick at camp; I cried when my parents dropped me off, I cried when they left after coming to visit, and I cried just about every night. As an adult, I cry when I am driving away from their home. I really cried dropping both of my boys off at college and when I had to say goodbye to my beloved dog. I wept, writing an email to a friend prior to her death on August 9th. I had not seen her in many years but that didn't matter. There was a heart connection that had never been severed and I hated it for her family, her friends and all those whose lives she touched. I wept, today, writing the other email to my other friend who will also soon go to be with Our Lord. I weep for his family, his friends and for the hole that will be left on this earth with him gone. Recently there have been families that have had to say goodbye to their children, a journey I cannot imagine taking.
When I work with people, in life coaching and organizing, I realize, we struggle with all kinds of goodbyes. We all struggle to let go of items that represent the past that is no longer. We struggle with saying goodbye to a relationship. We struggle to say goodbye to bad habits, unhealthy lifestyles, and unhealthy thoughts. We struggle to say goodbye to our comfort zone. We struggle with parting with memories. We weep for what was, what might have been and what we sometimes fail to see can be. '
Goodbye is just hard. Goodbye is the pain of change. Goodbye is not just words, it is an unbelievable cry of the heart.
Goodbye is hard and a period of grieving is an absolute must. But after that period of grieving is over you can choose to continue to grieve what's gone or you can begin to build on what was and continue to try and live your best life now......living with purpose, living with things that bring you joy now.....in other words, living in the present.
I may never get good at the act of goodbye, but I pray I get better at knowing when to say goodbye, when I need to move on after the goodbye, and to live the life I have been given.
So for now, I won't say goodbye, I'll say TTFN (ta ta for now).
Had to say my final good bye to my Mom last week as she sprouted her wings and landed at heavens gate. It was hard but I am present in my new normal and fired up like never before. Your post is so appropriate for what is going on in my life right now.
ReplyDeleteKirsten, I am so sorry about your mother. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I am so glad that my post could speak to you in some way.
DeleteIt is important to learn how to say goodbye well, both for those we are having to say goodbye to and for ourselves...
ReplyDeleteThanks Caro for posting. It is so important and such a healthy thing to learn to do.
DeleteIt's hard for me to say goodbye too, but from a different view. I tend not to cry when friends leave or pass away. I know they are at a good place and are happy. I guess I haven't dealt with close family death yet. my grandparents passed away in south america. I didn't get to connect with them, so I didn't feel as much pain. But I had to learn to help others through their struggles of losing someone.
ReplyDeleteSara, it is a blessing to have a friend that is willing to help others walk through saying goodbye. It is peaceful to know that friends and family are in better places. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI have had to do something very similar and it is tough. I find saying goodbye equally as tough. I wish you strength and light .
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Anita-Clare. I am glad you can relate. I am not sure I will actually get really good at it but I pray I'll learn to grow into it.
DeleteI haven't been through too many goodbyes although friends I know have. My last goodbye was my grandmother who died at 92 in her sleep. I was missing her, surely, but didn't feel the immense pains of loss. I worry I might be a different story when my mom passes.
ReplyDeleteI'lll have to bookmark this post until then! Thanks for sharing.
Keep it Touched,
KG
www.kgstyleblogs.com
Khloe, you must be young! You experience it more and more the older you get. Each goodbye is different for different reasons.
DeleteI'm also a person who has a very hard time saying goodbye. Like you, lots of tears for any goodbye. I just hate goodbye, no matter how much I amy enjoy what I am going to do.
ReplyDeleteCindy
http://scribler.us
My son used to run get me a glass of water when my parents would drive away. I agree, doesn't matter what you might be saying hello to, goodbye is still hard! Thanks for stopping by.
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