Clearing Out Those Emotional Closets

I spend a lot of time working with people and their clutter, actually, that is my full-time job as a Profesional Organizer and Life Coach. 

As an organizer, I work with people to get their homes organized.  

As a life coach, I spend  time helping people work through their mind clutter to get them unstuck and moving forward. 

Clutter is not just the stuff we collect, hoard, and store.  Clutter is anything that gets in the way of living our best life now. 

Do you know what needs to be cleared out of your emotional closet?

Jealousy

Anger

Unforgiveness

Perfectionism

Comparison

Resentments

Grudges

Past Abuse

Past Relationships

Guilt

Fear

Your Own Thoughts

Addictions

Old Grief

Unhealthy Relationships

Unfulfilled Expectations

Loss of Youth

Loss of Health

As you can see there are many things that can clutter our lives emotionally.  Many times we are unaware or unwilling to go through the pain of dealing with this clutter in order to move it out of our mind, heart and life.  We hold on to it because it is familiar even though it is unhealthy for us. 

The freedom that comes from letting go of emotional clutter is amazing.  

Don't you want that feeling of freedom? 

Do you want some help dealing with your emotional clutter? 

I will be holding a one day seminar, in New Bern, NC, 

February 13, 2016 from 9-4.  

Emotional Clutter is just one of the many things I will be covering.  

Take a day for you.  

Take a day to take stock about where you are, who you are and where 

you want to go. 

Registration information can be found at:

https://awesomelyfantasticbestlifeeverday.eventbrite.com

I REFUSE

It was November 29th and I was walking around my neighborhood.  As I was walking, I saw several houses completely decorated for Christmas and several neighbors out decorating.  I started hearing this little voice in my head start to clamor for my attention:  

Peggy, you are already so behind.  You don't even have the first Christmas thing out of your attic. 

Peggy, look at how pretty that house looks decorated.  You decorate the same way every year and your house needs painting and your roof needs fixing and you should use fresh greenery and, and, and.......

Well, as I continued to walk I decided to take hold of that voice and replace it with my own real thoughts and truth. 

Peggy, you are not in a competition for how your house looks at Christmas or any other time of the year.   Is your home welcoming?  Does your home have good memories?  

You will eventually get your decorating done, it doesn't have to be done today, tomorrow or even the next day.  There are no Christmas police that will come knocking on your door to ticket you for not being decorated.  

Peggy, your home is not their home.  It does not have to look like theirs, it doesn't have to look perfect; it has to look and feel like you and your family. 

Peggy, stop comparing.  It is a dead end street.

So, all this to say, I REFUSE, to let the joy of Christmas be taken out of me by the voice in my head. I REFUSE to let that voice be in control.  I CHOOSE to listen and think truth and keep my priorities and values in line with who I am, where my life is right now and my schedule. 

Are you comparing yourself with others lives or perceived perfection?  Are you allowing comparison to be the thief of your joy? If so, pull those thoughts out of your head, replace them with truth and live a freer, less stressful and simple life as a result. 

One side note:  I do want to be the Christmas police in February when people still have their wreaths on the door......just saying. 

It's Constant

The word "constant" has been creeping up in my vocabulary a lot lately.  

Talking to mothers about motherhood....it's constant.  
Talking to wives about marriage......it's constant.  
Talking to people about work.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about relationships.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about bill paying.....it's constant.  
Talking to people about staying organized.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about cleaning......it's constant.

So, what does this mean?  Life is constant.  There is stuff in your life that constantly needs attention. 

So, what do you do?  
Take breaks when you can.  
Appreciate the small breaks you get.  
Realize this is what you signed on for when you became a wife, a mother, a friend, a member of a group, a homeowner, an employee.  

Life ends up not really being about you but you in the context of life with all of the other people in it.  It's just how life is so you can fight it, fuss about it, talk about how bad it is, whine about it, cry about it or nag about it.  But a better alternative might be to embrace it, change what you can about it and find things to be thankful in it.  Your approach and your attitude makes all the difference in the world in having a miserable life or a wonderful life......either way, it's going to be constant.  

Do You Have A Baseline?

I was in a meeting about Social Media the other day and the speaker was talking about having a baseline, starting that day, I needed to write down and know how many Twitter followers do I have, how many people like my Facebook pages and how many Blog followers do I have. Knowing these numbers today and comparing them to the same time next year allows me to know how much my business and social media presence has grown.  When I was 40, I had to have a mammogram so the radiologist would be able to see if there were changes from one year to the next.  When you are in 3rd grade, you take a test at the beginning of the year and the same test at the end of the year to see what you have learned.  How do you know if you've achieved anything if you don't have a baseline?   

I am constantly reminding my organizing and life coach clients to remember where they came from instead of always looking at how much work, organizing, and changing they need to do.  
Many of them have forgotten the reality of their life circumstances or the reality of what their life used to look like.  When you forget, you end of up not giving yourself any credit for your accomplishments, only grief at not reaching your goals.  

Take a baseline today of where you are in your life.  If need be, write it down, take pictures, whatever you have to do to remind yourself of your starting point.  Then write down where you want to go and you can eventually look back and see how far you've come while at the same time continuing to "have faith in how far you can go!" 

Organizing Crap

Ok.  I know.  Not sure I should have used that title but I just couldn't come up with a more appropriate word.  Not sure what that says about my vocabulary but there it is.  

As a professional organizer I spend a lot of time talking to people about their clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, the rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the question of do you love it, value it or need it....really?  These are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

As a life coach, I spend a lot of time talking to people about their emotional clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the questions of is it helping you, teaching you or getting you to where you want to be now and in the future.....really?  Again, these are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that, too.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

All this to say, what we don't want to do is organize crap.  When you throw a bunch of things, that you have not purposefully decided to keep, into a beautiful container, you are organizing crap, it may be beautiful on the outside but on the inside it is not.  When you throw a bunch of emotional clutter into a beautiful home or mask it with something else, you are organizing crap, pretty on the outside but dark and painful on the inside.  It is time to pay attention to what you are keeping.....physically and emotionally.  Pick up each piece, ask the tough questions and decide if it is helping you or hurting you.  In the end, you want to be left with stuff that is going to propel you forward and give you room to grow.  So, don't postpone those decisions that need to be made so that your life can be lived with purpose! 

A Father

                          (photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/nuttakit)

A friend of mine is saying her final good byes to her father today.  My father is 95 and still going strong and I can say I have been blessed to have had my dad for all these years.  

Many of you have never been given the gift of knowing your father, having a loving father or experiencing a father's love. Tyler Perry, American actor, director, screenwriter, playwright, producer, author, and songwriter, wrote the letter below, to a friend of his, regarding his feelings about his absentee father. I hope these words speak to someone out there and will help you re-frame your feelings and your definition of your father whether he is alive or not. 

Hey bud,

Your dad is getting older and facing his mortality. He's going to become a different man soon. In life, we all become different people. At 20, you're not the same person you are at 50, and if you are, something is wrong. We are built to evolve. Life is an oven that will incubate us into change. Most times it's for the better, although there are some people that are so resistant to it that sometimes they won't change. But if he remains the same that's ok too.

My challenge to you my friend is to start looking at your father like a person. Not the man you see but the boy he was, how he grew up, what he went through. Realize that just like you have had, he has had his own life, pain, heartbreak, struggles, secrets, disappointments and sadness. In other words, he had a life and a story long before you were born and in that life he wasn't given the tools to be what you needed him to be.

As a parent your job is to help your child pack a suitcase for this journey called life. Just like when you go on a trip you pack everything you need. This is the same thing. You must help that child pack love, faith, confidence, patience, joy, hope, how to give love, how to accept it, faith and God. All these things and so much more should be in that suitcase and if they aren't, that child is going to have a tough life. Find out what's in your father's suitcase. It will help you understand. What's in his suitcase is not an excuse for the way he treats you, but it is a part of your understanding of him.

I know he's a closed door and I know you don't know much about him, but if he won't tell you then maybe there is a family member on his side of the family that can tell you his story. His past is important in understanding your present. Do you understand? At any rate, I don't care who or what he is. I'm just glad he was used to bring such a great and awesome soul to this world, whether he will ever know it or not. I thank him for that. I thank him for you. I love you my friend.

Reframing bad experiences is essential and important in moving forward in life.  Also, this letter from Perry helped me to open my eyes about the things I am packing in other people's suitcases. 

                              "We are built to evolve"

The Power Of Words

I have always heard the phrase, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me".  I understand the concept behind that phrase but I know it to be very untrue.  Words have power; the power to hurt or to heal and we have to be so careful how we use them. 

The other day, in a referral group I belong to, we did an exercise.  We each wrote our name at the top of a blank piece of paper.  We then passed that paper to the right for that person to write down one descriptive word about the person whose name appeared at the top of the page.  They then passed the paper to the right of them and it continued through the circle until the paper had gone to each person.

As we each looked at the list of our descriptive words, it was interesting the reaction each person had to their "words".  Since, of course, most of the adjectives were positive, I asked, aloud, to the group, do you believe those words to be true or do you find a reason to negate the positive thing someone has said about you?  

We all have "tapes" playing in our heads.  We all have descriptive words, about ourselves, going around in our mind and in many cases those descriptive words are negative.  Too short, too tall, stupid, slow, clumsy, ugly, fat, too skinny, buck toothed, shy, old, overbearing, failure, loser, poor, unworthy, etc. etc. etc.  So, when we get a list of positive words thrown at us, about ourselves, we begin to attach "yeah, well, but you don't know this about me" instead of taking in those positive words as truth,  We are inclined to believe the negative things, about ourselves, that we "learned" and have taken on as truth as we have gone through life.  

Take some time today to write down the negative beliefs you have about yourself and get them out in the open.  Take the time to think about some of the positive things people have said about you (hopefully you have allowed some of those truths to stay instead of dismissing them all) and begin the difficult but necessary process of replacing those negative words with positive words.  The words other people say to you can have power but the words you say to yourself have the most power.  Those words can propel you forward or hold you back.  

Today, choose to look at who you really are.  If you are breathing, you have purpose and negative thinking just impedes the progress to doing what you are designed to do.  

Words have power.  Now go use some words - positively and powerfully!