It's Constant

The word "constant" has been creeping up in my vocabulary a lot lately.  

Talking to mothers about motherhood....it's constant.  
Talking to wives about marriage......it's constant.  
Talking to people about work.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about relationships.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about bill paying.....it's constant.  
Talking to people about staying organized.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about cleaning......it's constant.

So, what does this mean?  Life is constant.  There is stuff in your life that constantly needs attention. 

So, what do you do?  
Take breaks when you can.  
Appreciate the small breaks you get.  
Realize this is what you signed on for when you became a wife, a mother, a friend, a member of a group, a homeowner, an employee.  

Life ends up not really being about you but you in the context of life with all of the other people in it.  It's just how life is so you can fight it, fuss about it, talk about how bad it is, whine about it, cry about it or nag about it.  But a better alternative might be to embrace it, change what you can about it and find things to be thankful in it.  Your approach and your attitude makes all the difference in the world in having a miserable life or a wonderful life......either way, it's going to be constant.  

Love/Hate

                                                          Love / Hate designed by Valéry


I have a love/hate relationship with so many things.

1.   I love to eat.....not always really healthy stuff.  I hate the pounds and inches it adds to my       body!
2.   I love to visit family.  I hate the travel it requires for me to get there.
3.   I love to play internet games - yes I am guilty of indulging in Candy Crush and Scrabble!  I hate when I allow them to be time suckers
4.   I love to read.  I hate I cannot stay awake long enough to finish reading.
5.   I love my "smart phone".  I hate the way it can keep me too connected.
6.   I love looking at the deer in my backyard.  I hate they use my bushes and plants as their     personal food buffet.
7.   I love my persistence.  I hate my persistence when it won't quit persisting. 
8.   I love my house.  I hate the upkeep.
9.   I love saying hello.  I hate the fact I have to say goodbye. 
10. I love writing.  I hate when the only thing I can think to write is what I love and hate.   

The Noticer Returns by Andy Andrews

I am reading a book called The Noticer Returns by Andy Andrews.  This book is all about perspective and how a person thinks.  How do you perceive and think about what is going on in your life?  

I have had the conversation about perspective with a number of people lately.  Perspective and the way you think have more impact on your life than most people ever realize.  In The Noticer Returns, it says "the way a person thinks is the key to everything that follows, good or bad, success or failure.  A person's thinking - the way he thinks - is the foundational structure upon which a life is built.  Thinking guides decisions..  Thinking - how a person thinks - determines every choice."  The author goes on to say "a person's thinking is what he is."  

Proverbs 23:7 says it like this: For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

Your thinking can have such a huge impact on your life. One of the examples, given in the book, is about a man who was in financial ruin and his credit was shot. The main character asks the man, in financial ruin, if an extraordinary life would be to live debt free and of course the man answered YES. The main character (the noticer) explains that the man's circumstances have made it so that he can't get a loan, because of his credit score, therefore allowing him to live without debt. So, he turned what appeared logically to most as a bad situation into a lesson on perspective.

I love this book because it reminds me to notice things in my life that others may overlook and try and look at things in a new way.......a little perspective in life can make life even sweeter!

Organizing Crap

Ok.  I know.  Not sure I should have used that title but I just couldn't come up with a more appropriate word.  Not sure what that says about my vocabulary but there it is.  

As a professional organizer I spend a lot of time talking to people about their clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, the rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the question of do you love it, value it or need it....really?  These are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

As a life coach, I spend a lot of time talking to people about their emotional clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the questions of is it helping you, teaching you or getting you to where you want to be now and in the future.....really?  Again, these are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that, too.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

All this to say, what we don't want to do is organize crap.  When you throw a bunch of things, that you have not purposefully decided to keep, into a beautiful container, you are organizing crap, it may be beautiful on the outside but on the inside it is not.  When you throw a bunch of emotional clutter into a beautiful home or mask it with something else, you are organizing crap, pretty on the outside but dark and painful on the inside.  It is time to pay attention to what you are keeping.....physically and emotionally.  Pick up each piece, ask the tough questions and decide if it is helping you or hurting you.  In the end, you want to be left with stuff that is going to propel you forward and give you room to grow.  So, don't postpone those decisions that need to be made so that your life can be lived with purpose! 

30 Day Challenges

                                (photo courtesy of digitalart/freedigitalphotos.net)


I think I have messed myself up.....not the first time.  I have been looking at some challenges that run for 30 days (sound familiar?).  These challenges, on the face of them, seem manageable, important for my health or work goals and necessary.  These challenges seem like the answer for me......I can do any of these for 30 days.  Let's go over the list of the 30 day challenges I have hoped to complete.

1.  30 day squat challenge.....start with 55.....by day 30 you'll be doing 245. 
2   1 mile walk/run every day for 30 days.  
3.  30 day arm toning challenge.  What 54 year old women wouldn't love to trim her wing span?
4.  Ultimate Blogging Challenge....no big deal....blog for 30 days straight. 

None of these seem difficult when in isolation.  However, coupled with my schedule, real life and the other challenges, they have somehow or another dissipated into the can I even start the challenges.  For example:

1.  30 day squat challenge.........started strong.....got up to 100. Christmas came and there went that one!  I am still beating both my son's girlfriends because I started!
2.  1 mile walk/run.......rain, cold equals I don't think so
3.  30 day arm toning challenge.....nope didn't even start it, yet.
4.  Ultimate Blogging Challenge....yep....so far, so good.  5 days and counting.  

So what does all this say.  I either need to set more realistic goals or I really like writing more than I like exercising.  I think I know the answer, however, being the stubborn person I am, I am going to keep trying to start and complete these challenges.  I know I won't be sorry I did. 

Comparison

It is the time of year where everyone is figuring out ways they can do better, be better, and look better.   One of the dangers, in this process, is when we begin to compare ourselves to others.  

It is never a good idea for me to compare this 54 year old body to the 20 something year old body on the workout pictures on Pinterest.  Even when I was the 20 something year old, I didn't have that body and didn't have the discipline to ever achieve that body.  It is never a good idea for me to compare my lived in home to the beautiful homes in magazines. My home is beautiful to me but I have raised two boys, 3 cats, and 1 dog in this house, along with my home being open to neighborhood friends and families.  I don't live in a magazine and never will.   It is never a good idea for me to look at all the DIY ideas and get frustrated by what I haven't done or could do.  There are some DIY projects that intrigue me, but there are some that are just not worth my time and effort.....that is just the way it is.  

For 2014, I want to be a better me, not a better version of anyone else, but be a better version of me.  Striving to achieve some of the things others have achieved is only good when it is something I should be striving to achieve.  I am on my own journey, with my own purpose, with my own body, with my own set of obstacles, gifts and talents.  I do want to do things better this year, but I will set my own achievable, manageable goals. 

Comparison is the thief of joy and I choose joy instead of comparison.  

Eating the Elephant - How to De-Clutter Your Space and Your Mind

The thought of de-cluttering leaves many people totally paralyzed and totally overwhelmed. I have many clients, surrounded by clutter, physical clutter and emotional clutter, initially incapable of attacking the piles, stacks, worries and problems.  

One of the first steps I take, when working with a client, is to break things down into smaller sizes.  I take a stack of papers and divide them into categories.  In the closet we look at only the white shirts or black pants and make decisions about just those.  In the box with all the memories, we look at 10 pieces of memorabilia.  When looking at life, worries and problems, we look at next steps.  Breaking the large, gargantuan piles and clutter into small manageable piles, makes it much easier to get through the task. The process seems achievable when you look at a shelf, instead of a room, a cabinet, as opposed to a whole kitchen, a drawer as opposed to a whole chest of drawers, a next step instead of a huge problem, or a 30 day plan instead of the rest of your life.  

What things are overwhelming you that you can break into smaller, more bite sized pieces?  It literally is impossible to eat an elephant any other way than one bite at a time. 

Standing Tall

Yesterday, while shopping at the local Wal-mart, I was walking out with my full cart and saw, from a distance, lights twinkling.  As I moved closer and the lights moved closer to me, I realized the lights were coming from a little girl's shoes as she was skipping through the parking lot, towards Wal-mart, with her mom (assumption on my part).   As I passed her, I said, "my your shoes are lighting up so pretty!".  She looked down, smiled and immediately stood taller, so proud of her shoes and so proud someone had noticed.  

As I walked away, I started thinking about how positive words can make us stand taller.  As Proverbs 18:21 says, "death and life are in the power of the tongue."  We have the power, with our words, to build up or tear down.  That is a power that many people choose to abuse or a power they don't realize they have. 

Pay attention to the reactions of people when you smile at them while looking at their eyes, when you speak words of affirmation, when you offer praise  for a job well done, when you find what was done right instead of what was done wrong, when you offer grace instead of scorn, when you offer forgiveness instead of hate.  

Think about how you feel when you are given positive and encouraging words. You may not be standing tall on the outside but on the inside you are.  May we all spend more time finding ways to make others stand tall by freely speaking positive words. 

Change

I woke up this morning thinking about change.  When I sat down to read my devotional the subject was about change. Wow, no coincidence there!   

Change for many people can be paralyzing and devastating.  Change does not do that for me but I can understand why it does for so many people.  I can find change exhilarating and exciting.  Change can give you a boost in a new direction.  Change can give you a new perspective. 

Change is usually not easy.  It requires re-calibration mentally and sometimes physically.  However, as Tony Robbins says, sometimes it is harder to stay where we are, doing what we are already doing. 

As I wrote in my blog, Crossroads, I know I have some changes coming in my life and I have to make some difficult decisions.  

Right now change is necessary in my life. 

What changes do you need to make in your life today?

Are you willing to embrace the change? 

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

- Helen Keller-

I pray God opens those doors for me and I am willing to do what it takes to walk through them.  I will pray that for you today, too. 

The Illusion of Control

                                         (Photo from Pinterest)

I love this photo because it is a great reminder of so many things!

I have had an unbelievable 3 days with so much out of my control, including my hair!  I have had a bad hair day when I needed a really good hair day. 

So, what is in my control.  Very, very little.  I can do what I can do, when I can do it and I can do it with a good or bad attitude. 

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.

Steve Maraboli

So, now, I am going to do what I can, with a good attitude, and try to do something with my out of control hair!!

Being Deliberate

A word I use, a lot in my business, is "deliberate" or "intentional".  To me, this is one of the most important words we can use in our day to day life......let me explain.

Thesaurus.com has several synonyms listed for "deliberate"

intentional

purposed

aforethought

planned

calculated 

thoughtful

willful

conscious

When working with an organizing client, I want their attention focused on the new systems we put into place that will allow them to be more organized.  I want them focused on what they are bringing into their home.  I want them focused on a task until completion.  

When working with a life coach client, I want them focused on their part in a relationship. I want them focused on the thoughts and beliefs that are running through their head.  I want them focused on their dreams, goals and values. 

When we go through life willy nilly, we get to the end of it and wonder where the time has gone.  When we are deliberate about our days and have given our days, weeks, months, years and life some thought, we have greater success at reaching our goals. 

"A goal without a plan is just a wish".  

~Anthony Robbins~

"The best way to predict our future is to create it."

~Abraham Lincoln~

Being intentional and deliberate about life does not mean that it can't be spontaneous and fun.  It doesn't mean that there won't be huge twists and turns.  
Being deliberate does mean that you will be aware.  Being intentional means that you will take some action steps towards your goals.  

We all know life is fluid and can change on a dime, but paying attention to the days we have been given, will create a more beautiful ride through life. 

I Can't Be Old Enough to Be a Grandmother - But Thank God I Am One

I am a new grandmother.  I cannot believe I am old enough to be a  grandmother.  I love being a grandmother.  I am in awe of this precious little one they call Barnes.

I was talking with some friends of mine and we all came to the conclusion that the first half of our life is spent just trying to figure out the first half of our life.  We seem to go through the days, weeks, months and years in a fog.  

When I look back on sleepless nights, PTO meetings, carpools, endless grocery shopping, vacations, sick nights with children, neighborhood kids in and out of the house, arguments, ball games, track meets, countless loads of laundry, caring for cats, fish and dogs, Halloween, Christmas, birthday parties, Valentines, July 4th, church going, hair cuts, scraped knees, hurt feelings, and the many other things that are involved in parenting, it feels like I have lived someone else's life.  I have moments that are forever emblazoned on my heart and mind, I have moments that I would rather forget and I have moments that are gone forever. 

I would not have traded motherhood for anything......now.  There were times I was sure that God had chosen the wrong women to be a mother.  Surely He meant for these children to have a mother that was not quite so high strung, quick tempered, fed her children healthier food, was more fun, spontaneous, more patient and more creative. There were times that I was ready to run away from motherhood.  This did not look at all like the pictures in the magazines and catalogs: that precious sleeping baby, that perfectly groomed and clothed toddler, that perfectly coiffed mother with three children in tow.  No, there were moments I wanted to not be a mother.  I was tired, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed and did I mention TIRED.  Those moments were real but I knew they were not my true feelings but temporary emotions.  

The fact of the matter is that God blessed me with these children.  He blessed me with a life with them and I do mean blessed.  I would not have learned all I learned, I would not have drawn so much closer to Him, I would not have the smile lines on my face from the laughter in my home. I would not have the excitement in my heart watching my boys grow into men and my daughter grow into a beautiful woman and mother.  I would not have the friends I have because my path would not have crossed with these other wonderful people.  No, my life is definitely fuller, for me, having been a mother.  

Now, I am a grandmother. Now I am in the second half of my life and life is a little quieter, and  there is not quite so much noise in the home.   Now I get to take all I learned as a mother and prayerfully pass on the good and leave my mistakes and misshapen thoughts in the past.  Now I get to love in a new way - a way I have never known; the love of a grandmother for a grandchild.  I wasn't sure at first how it was going to feel - now I know and wow, this G-mama thing is going to be another wonderful blessing in my life.  I can't be old enough to be a grandmother, but thank God I am one. 

Crossroads

                              (photocourtesy of tiverylucky/freedigitalphotos.net)

To decide is to walk facing forward with nary a crick in your neck from 

looking back at the crossroads.

 ~Betsy Cañas Garmon~

I am at a crossroads.  There are decisions that have to be made.  Crossroads are scary and exciting at the same time.  You feel like you are jumping off a cliff into the great unknown and not sure if you are going to have a parachute or not.

As a Christian, I place my hope in God who will provide the direction I need and will, if I am willing to listen, direct my steps. Sometimes, even though I believe God has my best interest at heart, I'm not sure I want to go through the essential tough parts of life to become the person I am designed to be.  I just want the path to be easy and obstacle free.  

I am at a crossroads.  I have to decide.
Indecision is not an option.

Thankfully I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt,
all will be well - no matter what.  

Follow Through

Following through seems like one of the most natural things in the world to do.  You start something and you finish it but that is not the case with a lot of, if not most people.     Lack of follow through creates enormous problems:    Don't follow through on pursuing healthy lifestyle -  weight gain and sickness Don't follow through on schoolwork -  poor grades Don't follow through at work -  poor results at work and poor work image projected Don't follow through at home -  clutter piles up, frustrations mount and bills go unpaid Don't follow through when disciplining children- disrespectful and unruly children Don't follow through on getting car serviced on time -  greater damage and higher repair costs Don't follow through on backing up digital photos -  computer crashes and photos lost Don't follow through with saving money - crisis hits and you are not prepared Don't follow through on opportunities - opportunity lost

So if all these terrible things are going to happen to us because we don't follow through, then why don't we follow through?   I have found 6 main reasons people fail to finish what they start. 1.  Not paying attention.  Have you ever walked in the house or office, mindlessly set something down and then never went back to do anything with it?  Things begin to pile on top on one another and the next thing you know, you have a mess.   Have you gotten to the end of a day and wondered where your time has gone?   We mindlessly go through a day instead of being deliberate about using our time and energies wisely.  2.  Tired.  I find this to be a huge reason for people not finishing the things they start.  You come home from work or have had a long day with kids and it seems easier to leave the dishes in the sink, the laundry unfolded or not put away, the mail untouched, the magazines unread, the pile of papers left unattended, the groceries not put away, etc. etc. etc.  You get the point.  We are all running and going and doing but the fact of the matter is -if you take those few moments, even when you are tired, to follow through on some of these tasks, you will actually, in the long run, feel less tired and overwhelmed.   3.  Not scheduling time.  Many people have good intentions but never set aside the time to do or complete something they have set out do.   4.  Wrong reason for setting a goal or agreeing to do something.  Many times we say yes to something without thinking it through.  We feel bad for saying no, we feel pressured to say yes, we are doing something because someone else we know is doing it or we are convinced we are the only person that can get it done. 5.  Following through is going to be hard.  There are many things in life that we have to persevere through and many of us just don't want to be bothered.  We want things to be simple, uncomplicated and quick.  We don't want to have to make that unpleasant phone call.  We don't want to take the time to finish something because we have gotten bored.  We don't want to feel some of the uncomfortable emotions or feelings we will feel when we press through.   6.  Forgetting.  Many times we just forget to do something we said we would do; call someone, write a note, make a meal, etc.; we just forgot.  Here are 6 easy steps towards becoming better at follow through.   1. Pay attention to what you are committing yourself to and why. Don't commit to something you don't have passion, time, or energy for. 2. Press On. Pressing on and pressing through are two lessons I have learned the hard way. It is my choice to stop or press on and when I choose to press on, in spite of how I feel, I win every time! It is easier to give up when things are hard but when you press through the hard stuff of life, eventually you will come to breakthrough; you will get to the other side. 3. Be deliberate. When you walk in the door or office, make sure you take those few extra moments to put things where they belong or take 15 minutes to do it at the end of the evening. When you are going through the day, take regular "timeouts" to self-check if you are being deliberate about your day or see if you are mindlessly going through another day. 4. Self-talk. This is one of my strategies to make myself follow through. For some reason I have a problem with unloading the dishwasher. I will start, get bored and leave it with the door open and dishes sitting on the counter. Not sure what that is all about but it just is what it is. I have to talk to myself and tell myself to go back finish it, that it won't take long and it will be worth it. Ridiculous? Maybe but it gets it done and it can work for you. Your brain is telling you something all the time anyway, so why not control some of what it is telling you! 5. Make a note or schedule the time. Put things you need to do on a list of things to do or put it on your calendar. If it doesn't get done, keep moving it to your current to do list until it gets done or your realize it shouldn't be there in the first place. 6. Delegate or get help. Many times we need help completing a task. This can mean you involve family, friends, co-workers or of course your friendly professional organizer! Whoever it is, when it is time to ask for help, by all means, enlist help. Follow through is a habit. When you have the mindset that you don't have to follow through, then most of the time you won't but if you believe that following through is the only option, then most of the time you will.  It is possible to begin to do better at following through......beginning today!

The Power Of Words

I have always heard the phrase, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me".  I understand the concept behind that phrase but I know it to be very untrue.  Words have power; the power to hurt or to heal and we have to be so careful how we use them. 

The other day, in a referral group I belong to, we did an exercise.  We each wrote our name at the top of a blank piece of paper.  We then passed that paper to the right for that person to write down one descriptive word about the person whose name appeared at the top of the page.  They then passed the paper to the right of them and it continued through the circle until the paper had gone to each person.

As we each looked at the list of our descriptive words, it was interesting the reaction each person had to their "words".  Since, of course, most of the adjectives were positive, I asked, aloud, to the group, do you believe those words to be true or do you find a reason to negate the positive thing someone has said about you?  

We all have "tapes" playing in our heads.  We all have descriptive words, about ourselves, going around in our mind and in many cases those descriptive words are negative.  Too short, too tall, stupid, slow, clumsy, ugly, fat, too skinny, buck toothed, shy, old, overbearing, failure, loser, poor, unworthy, etc. etc. etc.  So, when we get a list of positive words thrown at us, about ourselves, we begin to attach "yeah, well, but you don't know this about me" instead of taking in those positive words as truth,  We are inclined to believe the negative things, about ourselves, that we "learned" and have taken on as truth as we have gone through life.  

Take some time today to write down the negative beliefs you have about yourself and get them out in the open.  Take the time to think about some of the positive things people have said about you (hopefully you have allowed some of those truths to stay instead of dismissing them all) and begin the difficult but necessary process of replacing those negative words with positive words.  The words other people say to you can have power but the words you say to yourself have the most power.  Those words can propel you forward or hold you back.  

Today, choose to look at who you really are.  If you are breathing, you have purpose and negative thinking just impedes the progress to doing what you are designed to do.  

Words have power.  Now go use some words - positively and powerfully!