Organizing Crap

Ok.  I know.  Not sure I should have used that title but I just couldn't come up with a more appropriate word.  Not sure what that says about my vocabulary but there it is.  

As a professional organizer I spend a lot of time talking to people about their clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, the rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the question of do you love it, value it or need it....really?  These are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

As a life coach, I spend a lot of time talking to people about their emotional clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the questions of is it helping you, teaching you or getting you to where you want to be now and in the future.....really?  Again, these are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that, too.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

All this to say, what we don't want to do is organize crap.  When you throw a bunch of things, that you have not purposefully decided to keep, into a beautiful container, you are organizing crap, it may be beautiful on the outside but on the inside it is not.  When you throw a bunch of emotional clutter into a beautiful home or mask it with something else, you are organizing crap, pretty on the outside but dark and painful on the inside.  It is time to pay attention to what you are keeping.....physically and emotionally.  Pick up each piece, ask the tough questions and decide if it is helping you or hurting you.  In the end, you want to be left with stuff that is going to propel you forward and give you room to grow.  So, don't postpone those decisions that need to be made so that your life can be lived with purpose! 

One Main Reason You Can't De-Clutter - Physically or Emotionally

There are few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.

~Andre Gide~

Do you want to know why you can't attack that pile of paper?  Why you can't go through those boxes in the attic?  Why you can't seem to move forward in your life?  Why you can't end that relationship you know you need to end?

All of these actions require several decisions.   The decision to take time to take care of it. The decision to press on through, even when it is difficult.  The decision to see yourself as a person of worth, so you will surround yourself with what you truly value in your life.  However, the biggest decision is to work through the fear.  

The reason, we do not attack or make decisions about many things, is FEAR.  Fear is ever present in the decision making process.  We are afraid of letting go.  We are afraid of getting rid of something we might need.  We are afraid of being alone.  We are afraid of making the wrong decision.  We are afraid of change.  We are afraid of success.  We are afraid of failure. We are afraid of what other people will think of us.  We are afraid we will upset someone. We are afraid we won't do it just right.  

Peel back the layers and at the root of many of your indecision, you will very possibly find fear. When you know what you are fighting, it is much easier to fight back.  

Writing Makes My Butt and Brain Hurt

                         (photo courtesy of Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot/freedigitalphotos.net)

in the last 45 days, I have taken on a lot of writing projects.  I am working on being more consistent with my blog. I am working on some freelance articles.  I am working on an article for a magazine.  I am honing my writing skills and my butt and my brain hurt!

Writing is exhilarating, fun, terrifying, frustrating and challenging all at the same time.  While I am writing my blog, I am trying to think about the message I want to send so I think and I think some more - brain hurts!
While writing the freelance articles, I have to research and write and rewrite - butt and brain hurt!
While writing the magazine article I have to sit and tweak, cut words, change words, edit, edit and edit some more - butt hurts!

Writing is something I really love to do.  As Jeff Goins says, "you are a writer when you say you are."  Well, I am saying I am so what am I doing about it?  Writing and writing some more.  You can't write while walking around so you sit.  Some people can write while standing at a tall desk, but not me!  I would spend more time worrying about the fact that I am standing up all day and then my feet would hurt!  

My butt and my brain are engaged in activities out of the ordinary but that is okay; it is the kind of hurt that you know will all be worth it!  

Standing Tall

Yesterday, while shopping at the local Wal-mart, I was walking out with my full cart and saw, from a distance, lights twinkling.  As I moved closer and the lights moved closer to me, I realized the lights were coming from a little girl's shoes as she was skipping through the parking lot, towards Wal-mart, with her mom (assumption on my part).   As I passed her, I said, "my your shoes are lighting up so pretty!".  She looked down, smiled and immediately stood taller, so proud of her shoes and so proud someone had noticed.  

As I walked away, I started thinking about how positive words can make us stand taller.  As Proverbs 18:21 says, "death and life are in the power of the tongue."  We have the power, with our words, to build up or tear down.  That is a power that many people choose to abuse or a power they don't realize they have. 

Pay attention to the reactions of people when you smile at them while looking at their eyes, when you speak words of affirmation, when you offer praise  for a job well done, when you find what was done right instead of what was done wrong, when you offer grace instead of scorn, when you offer forgiveness instead of hate.  

Think about how you feel when you are given positive and encouraging words. You may not be standing tall on the outside but on the inside you are.  May we all spend more time finding ways to make others stand tall by freely speaking positive words. 

A Father

                          (photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/nuttakit)

A friend of mine is saying her final good byes to her father today.  My father is 95 and still going strong and I can say I have been blessed to have had my dad for all these years.  

Many of you have never been given the gift of knowing your father, having a loving father or experiencing a father's love. Tyler Perry, American actor, director, screenwriter, playwright, producer, author, and songwriter, wrote the letter below, to a friend of his, regarding his feelings about his absentee father. I hope these words speak to someone out there and will help you re-frame your feelings and your definition of your father whether he is alive or not. 

Hey bud,

Your dad is getting older and facing his mortality. He's going to become a different man soon. In life, we all become different people. At 20, you're not the same person you are at 50, and if you are, something is wrong. We are built to evolve. Life is an oven that will incubate us into change. Most times it's for the better, although there are some people that are so resistant to it that sometimes they won't change. But if he remains the same that's ok too.

My challenge to you my friend is to start looking at your father like a person. Not the man you see but the boy he was, how he grew up, what he went through. Realize that just like you have had, he has had his own life, pain, heartbreak, struggles, secrets, disappointments and sadness. In other words, he had a life and a story long before you were born and in that life he wasn't given the tools to be what you needed him to be.

As a parent your job is to help your child pack a suitcase for this journey called life. Just like when you go on a trip you pack everything you need. This is the same thing. You must help that child pack love, faith, confidence, patience, joy, hope, how to give love, how to accept it, faith and God. All these things and so much more should be in that suitcase and if they aren't, that child is going to have a tough life. Find out what's in your father's suitcase. It will help you understand. What's in his suitcase is not an excuse for the way he treats you, but it is a part of your understanding of him.

I know he's a closed door and I know you don't know much about him, but if he won't tell you then maybe there is a family member on his side of the family that can tell you his story. His past is important in understanding your present. Do you understand? At any rate, I don't care who or what he is. I'm just glad he was used to bring such a great and awesome soul to this world, whether he will ever know it or not. I thank him for that. I thank him for you. I love you my friend.

Reframing bad experiences is essential and important in moving forward in life.  Also, this letter from Perry helped me to open my eyes about the things I am packing in other people's suitcases. 

                              "We are built to evolve"

Old School

Yesterday I went into a bookstore.  As I walked around and looked at all the different types of books and all the knowledge one could buy, I became nostalgic. 

When I was a little girl, my mother would take me to the library and I would sit and look through the children's book section.  I would carefully look at the books and decide which ones I wanted to take home and read.  I never had much imagination so I never got transported into another world, as I have heard many people do.  I simply loved to read as I love to read now.  I love learning and I love reading stories people weave together, fascinated that they can keep the twists and plots running together to come to a final conclusion.   

One of the parts of reading I love most is holding the book in my hand.  I love being able to put it down, face down and pick it up right where I left off.  I love dog earring a book page to keep my place.  I love a pretty bookmark.  I love picking a book up, looking through the pages, reading the front cover, deciding if it is worth my time. I love marking in a book.......underlining, highlighting, double underlining, writing my thoughts.   I don't get to do any of these things with a Kindle.  I know technically you can do all these things with a Kindle but it just doesn't feel the same.    I only have a Kindle because it came with my IPAD so of course I had to give it a try.  I did download a couple of books and read them even highlighted some stuff but I felt the yearning to turn a real page, to hold the book in both hands, to draw a star next to something that I really wanted to remember. 

Yes, I am old school.  I am all about progress but I am not all about real books, bookstores and libraries disappearing. I know change is inevitable and can be awesome but in this case I just don't have to like it.   

In this case, I am a proud old school kind of girl. 

The Power Of Words

I have always heard the phrase, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me".  I understand the concept behind that phrase but I know it to be very untrue.  Words have power; the power to hurt or to heal and we have to be so careful how we use them. 

The other day, in a referral group I belong to, we did an exercise.  We each wrote our name at the top of a blank piece of paper.  We then passed that paper to the right for that person to write down one descriptive word about the person whose name appeared at the top of the page.  They then passed the paper to the right of them and it continued through the circle until the paper had gone to each person.

As we each looked at the list of our descriptive words, it was interesting the reaction each person had to their "words".  Since, of course, most of the adjectives were positive, I asked, aloud, to the group, do you believe those words to be true or do you find a reason to negate the positive thing someone has said about you?  

We all have "tapes" playing in our heads.  We all have descriptive words, about ourselves, going around in our mind and in many cases those descriptive words are negative.  Too short, too tall, stupid, slow, clumsy, ugly, fat, too skinny, buck toothed, shy, old, overbearing, failure, loser, poor, unworthy, etc. etc. etc.  So, when we get a list of positive words thrown at us, about ourselves, we begin to attach "yeah, well, but you don't know this about me" instead of taking in those positive words as truth,  We are inclined to believe the negative things, about ourselves, that we "learned" and have taken on as truth as we have gone through life.  

Take some time today to write down the negative beliefs you have about yourself and get them out in the open.  Take the time to think about some of the positive things people have said about you (hopefully you have allowed some of those truths to stay instead of dismissing them all) and begin the difficult but necessary process of replacing those negative words with positive words.  The words other people say to you can have power but the words you say to yourself have the most power.  Those words can propel you forward or hold you back.  

Today, choose to look at who you really are.  If you are breathing, you have purpose and negative thinking just impedes the progress to doing what you are designed to do.  

Words have power.  Now go use some words - positively and powerfully!