It's Constant

The word "constant" has been creeping up in my vocabulary a lot lately.  

Talking to mothers about motherhood....it's constant.  
Talking to wives about marriage......it's constant.  
Talking to people about work.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about relationships.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about bill paying.....it's constant.  
Talking to people about staying organized.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about cleaning......it's constant.

So, what does this mean?  Life is constant.  There is stuff in your life that constantly needs attention. 

So, what do you do?  
Take breaks when you can.  
Appreciate the small breaks you get.  
Realize this is what you signed on for when you became a wife, a mother, a friend, a member of a group, a homeowner, an employee.  

Life ends up not really being about you but you in the context of life with all of the other people in it.  It's just how life is so you can fight it, fuss about it, talk about how bad it is, whine about it, cry about it or nag about it.  But a better alternative might be to embrace it, change what you can about it and find things to be thankful in it.  Your approach and your attitude makes all the difference in the world in having a miserable life or a wonderful life......either way, it's going to be constant.  

30 Day Challenges

                                (photo courtesy of digitalart/freedigitalphotos.net)


I think I have messed myself up.....not the first time.  I have been looking at some challenges that run for 30 days (sound familiar?).  These challenges, on the face of them, seem manageable, important for my health or work goals and necessary.  These challenges seem like the answer for me......I can do any of these for 30 days.  Let's go over the list of the 30 day challenges I have hoped to complete.

1.  30 day squat challenge.....start with 55.....by day 30 you'll be doing 245. 
2   1 mile walk/run every day for 30 days.  
3.  30 day arm toning challenge.  What 54 year old women wouldn't love to trim her wing span?
4.  Ultimate Blogging Challenge....no big deal....blog for 30 days straight. 

None of these seem difficult when in isolation.  However, coupled with my schedule, real life and the other challenges, they have somehow or another dissipated into the can I even start the challenges.  For example:

1.  30 day squat challenge.........started strong.....got up to 100. Christmas came and there went that one!  I am still beating both my son's girlfriends because I started!
2.  1 mile walk/run.......rain, cold equals I don't think so
3.  30 day arm toning challenge.....nope didn't even start it, yet.
4.  Ultimate Blogging Challenge....yep....so far, so good.  5 days and counting.  

So what does all this say.  I either need to set more realistic goals or I really like writing more than I like exercising.  I think I know the answer, however, being the stubborn person I am, I am going to keep trying to start and complete these challenges.  I know I won't be sorry I did. 

Writing Makes My Butt and Brain Hurt

                         (photo courtesy of Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot/freedigitalphotos.net)

in the last 45 days, I have taken on a lot of writing projects.  I am working on being more consistent with my blog. I am working on some freelance articles.  I am working on an article for a magazine.  I am honing my writing skills and my butt and my brain hurt!

Writing is exhilarating, fun, terrifying, frustrating and challenging all at the same time.  While I am writing my blog, I am trying to think about the message I want to send so I think and I think some more - brain hurts!
While writing the freelance articles, I have to research and write and rewrite - butt and brain hurt!
While writing the magazine article I have to sit and tweak, cut words, change words, edit, edit and edit some more - butt hurts!

Writing is something I really love to do.  As Jeff Goins says, "you are a writer when you say you are."  Well, I am saying I am so what am I doing about it?  Writing and writing some more.  You can't write while walking around so you sit.  Some people can write while standing at a tall desk, but not me!  I would spend more time worrying about the fact that I am standing up all day and then my feet would hurt!  

My butt and my brain are engaged in activities out of the ordinary but that is okay; it is the kind of hurt that you know will all be worth it!  

Standing Tall

Yesterday, while shopping at the local Wal-mart, I was walking out with my full cart and saw, from a distance, lights twinkling.  As I moved closer and the lights moved closer to me, I realized the lights were coming from a little girl's shoes as she was skipping through the parking lot, towards Wal-mart, with her mom (assumption on my part).   As I passed her, I said, "my your shoes are lighting up so pretty!".  She looked down, smiled and immediately stood taller, so proud of her shoes and so proud someone had noticed.  

As I walked away, I started thinking about how positive words can make us stand taller.  As Proverbs 18:21 says, "death and life are in the power of the tongue."  We have the power, with our words, to build up or tear down.  That is a power that many people choose to abuse or a power they don't realize they have. 

Pay attention to the reactions of people when you smile at them while looking at their eyes, when you speak words of affirmation, when you offer praise  for a job well done, when you find what was done right instead of what was done wrong, when you offer grace instead of scorn, when you offer forgiveness instead of hate.  

Think about how you feel when you are given positive and encouraging words. You may not be standing tall on the outside but on the inside you are.  May we all spend more time finding ways to make others stand tall by freely speaking positive words. 

A Father

                          (photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/nuttakit)

A friend of mine is saying her final good byes to her father today.  My father is 95 and still going strong and I can say I have been blessed to have had my dad for all these years.  

Many of you have never been given the gift of knowing your father, having a loving father or experiencing a father's love. Tyler Perry, American actor, director, screenwriter, playwright, producer, author, and songwriter, wrote the letter below, to a friend of his, regarding his feelings about his absentee father. I hope these words speak to someone out there and will help you re-frame your feelings and your definition of your father whether he is alive or not. 

Hey bud,

Your dad is getting older and facing his mortality. He's going to become a different man soon. In life, we all become different people. At 20, you're not the same person you are at 50, and if you are, something is wrong. We are built to evolve. Life is an oven that will incubate us into change. Most times it's for the better, although there are some people that are so resistant to it that sometimes they won't change. But if he remains the same that's ok too.

My challenge to you my friend is to start looking at your father like a person. Not the man you see but the boy he was, how he grew up, what he went through. Realize that just like you have had, he has had his own life, pain, heartbreak, struggles, secrets, disappointments and sadness. In other words, he had a life and a story long before you were born and in that life he wasn't given the tools to be what you needed him to be.

As a parent your job is to help your child pack a suitcase for this journey called life. Just like when you go on a trip you pack everything you need. This is the same thing. You must help that child pack love, faith, confidence, patience, joy, hope, how to give love, how to accept it, faith and God. All these things and so much more should be in that suitcase and if they aren't, that child is going to have a tough life. Find out what's in your father's suitcase. It will help you understand. What's in his suitcase is not an excuse for the way he treats you, but it is a part of your understanding of him.

I know he's a closed door and I know you don't know much about him, but if he won't tell you then maybe there is a family member on his side of the family that can tell you his story. His past is important in understanding your present. Do you understand? At any rate, I don't care who or what he is. I'm just glad he was used to bring such a great and awesome soul to this world, whether he will ever know it or not. I thank him for that. I thank him for you. I love you my friend.

Reframing bad experiences is essential and important in moving forward in life.  Also, this letter from Perry helped me to open my eyes about the things I am packing in other people's suitcases. 

                              "We are built to evolve"

The Power Of Words

I have always heard the phrase, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me".  I understand the concept behind that phrase but I know it to be very untrue.  Words have power; the power to hurt or to heal and we have to be so careful how we use them. 

The other day, in a referral group I belong to, we did an exercise.  We each wrote our name at the top of a blank piece of paper.  We then passed that paper to the right for that person to write down one descriptive word about the person whose name appeared at the top of the page.  They then passed the paper to the right of them and it continued through the circle until the paper had gone to each person.

As we each looked at the list of our descriptive words, it was interesting the reaction each person had to their "words".  Since, of course, most of the adjectives were positive, I asked, aloud, to the group, do you believe those words to be true or do you find a reason to negate the positive thing someone has said about you?  

We all have "tapes" playing in our heads.  We all have descriptive words, about ourselves, going around in our mind and in many cases those descriptive words are negative.  Too short, too tall, stupid, slow, clumsy, ugly, fat, too skinny, buck toothed, shy, old, overbearing, failure, loser, poor, unworthy, etc. etc. etc.  So, when we get a list of positive words thrown at us, about ourselves, we begin to attach "yeah, well, but you don't know this about me" instead of taking in those positive words as truth,  We are inclined to believe the negative things, about ourselves, that we "learned" and have taken on as truth as we have gone through life.  

Take some time today to write down the negative beliefs you have about yourself and get them out in the open.  Take the time to think about some of the positive things people have said about you (hopefully you have allowed some of those truths to stay instead of dismissing them all) and begin the difficult but necessary process of replacing those negative words with positive words.  The words other people say to you can have power but the words you say to yourself have the most power.  Those words can propel you forward or hold you back.  

Today, choose to look at who you really are.  If you are breathing, you have purpose and negative thinking just impedes the progress to doing what you are designed to do.  

Words have power.  Now go use some words - positively and powerfully!