Are You Going The Wrong Way?

I was recently traveling on I-95 going South.  I had to exit off I-95 and merge onto I-20.  I saw the signs for I-20, felt like I was paying attention but all of a sudden, something didn't feel right and my gut instinct was telling me I had missed I-20.  I don't have a GPS in my car but I do have a MAP thingy on my phone.  I quickly got on my MAP APP and I was 100% right....I had passed
I-20.  

How do you know when you are going the wrong way....in life, in work, in relationships, in anything? 

I would simply say that most of us know when we are headed the wrong way, we just choose not to listen to our gut instinct or the still small voice in our heads.  Many of know something is wrong but we would rather bury our heads in the sand so we don't have to deal with whatever issues are before us. Many of us know changes need to be made but we are fearful of what those changes will cost us.  Many of us have been given signs and in your face clues things are not as they should be but we refuse to take the steps towards making things better.....we just play pretend...UNTIL, we can't play pretend anymore! 

Eventually, the things that are wrong in our life, our work, our relationships, our anything, are going to catch up with us.  The things that are wrong are just not going to disappear, they will continue to reappear and reappear and reappear and then move into something worse. 

How do you know if you are going the wrong way?  You pay attention.  You look for the signs.  You listen to your gut instinct and the still small voice. When you know you are headed the wrong way, start changing what you can, when you can and do what you can with what you have.  It is always better to face things head on.....face the fear, in the end you will be better for it and stronger.  

10 Ways to Simplify Your Life

My job, as an organizer and a life coach, is to help people simplify and de-clutter physically, mentally and spiritually.  Here are some of the consistent messages I give to my clients.

1.  Buy purposefully.

2.  Shop at home first.

3.  Be willing to let go.

4.  Do what you already know to do.

5.  Just say no.

6.  Be happy with enough

7.  Collect moments not things. 

8.  Surround yourself with what you love and value.

9.  Do the next step

10. Do a little at a time and after a while little by little a little becomes a lot. 

It's Constant

The word "constant" has been creeping up in my vocabulary a lot lately.  

Talking to mothers about motherhood....it's constant.  
Talking to wives about marriage......it's constant.  
Talking to people about work.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about relationships.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about bill paying.....it's constant.  
Talking to people about staying organized.......it's constant.  
Talking to people about cleaning......it's constant.

So, what does this mean?  Life is constant.  There is stuff in your life that constantly needs attention. 

So, what do you do?  
Take breaks when you can.  
Appreciate the small breaks you get.  
Realize this is what you signed on for when you became a wife, a mother, a friend, a member of a group, a homeowner, an employee.  

Life ends up not really being about you but you in the context of life with all of the other people in it.  It's just how life is so you can fight it, fuss about it, talk about how bad it is, whine about it, cry about it or nag about it.  But a better alternative might be to embrace it, change what you can about it and find things to be thankful in it.  Your approach and your attitude makes all the difference in the world in having a miserable life or a wonderful life......either way, it's going to be constant.  

One Size Fits All?

I know you have seen them.  The shirts, the underwear, and the gloves that state......one size fits all.  This statement is so ludicrous to me.  When I look around the world, I see a lot of shapes, sizes, heights and looks and I cannot imagine the same underwear fitting my bottom as they do other bottoms!  Now, let's just say for a moment that technically they fit.  That is a totally different story about whether I should be wearing them or not!  

Sadly, many of us have bought into the same mentality about a lot of things.  We think others should act like us, think like us, like the same foods, have the same desires, the same interests, and the same attitudes.  I see this all too often in my organizing and life coach business.  Someone says, "but so and so got herself so organized, what is wrong with me?" or " so and so moved on so quickly, why can't I?"  I ran into this the other day when someone looked at me and said "you don't like pancakes?  Who doesn't like pancakes?"  Believe me, I love a lot of foods I shouldn't, but pancakes are not on the list. 

We all have different life experiences, different backgrounds, different lenses from which we look at things, different tastes, different approaches, different personalities,  different values and of course, let's not forget, different shapes.  Life is not a one size fits all and we are not either!  Let's don't forget to look at our life like we do our shape when picking out clothes.  One size does not really fit all and even if it did, it doesn't mean we should put it on.  

Freedom is found in being the best version of you......not the you trying to fit into someone else's life.....it is just not attractive or true when we are trying to be someone or something we are not!

One size does not fit all and God bless those that think it does......not a good look :)

Buying Peace

                                                    (photo from knowing-jesus.com)


I was thinking about many of my de-clutter and life coach clients and taking a hard look at my own life. Many of us, me included, have tried to buy our peace through different things, either through a purchase or alcohol or a drug or a person or a lifestyle.  We have mistakenly thought, when I get this, do this, have this or am at this stage of my life, I will have peace.  

Unfortunately, we end up accumulating too much, being with the wrong person, missing out on the gift of today or dealing with addictions because of that wrong kind of thinking.  

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” – unknown - 

Life will constantly give us opportunities that require us to choose peace in the midst of pain, turmoil or the everydayness of life.  The bottom line, you can't buy peace.  You have to tap into the only true peace through God, the One that gives peace "that passes all understanding".  

To Be Known

“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are . . . because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier . . . for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own . . . ” 

― Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets

I love this quote from Frederick Buechner.  I think it is so true that we want to be fully understood but.......not really.  We want to be loved for who we are but sometimes we are working so hard at being lovable that we lose ourselves. 

Seeing ourselves for who we truly are, warts and all, is not an easy thing to do.  It can be a painful process because we are exposing ourselves and others to our reality.....not the masks that we so often put on to make ourselves look better and feel better about who we are. 

Keeping it real, being honest, and digging deep; all are part of the process of being known in our full humanness.  

How do you feel about people knowing the real you? 

Seasons.....A Time For Everything

Yesterday, while talking with my sister-in-law, I was reminded of this verse.  What a great verse to remind us all that there are seasons of life and that we cannot stay in one season of life forever.

We all grow older and can't stay young forever. 
We all have very hard seasons of life that we go through and we weep and mourn, then it is time to laugh and dance. 
We all have times we can give more than receive and times when we must receive more than we can give.
We all have times where we must be quiet and other times we know we should speak out 
We all have times we should plant and other times we have to uproot.
We all have times we have to keep things and people and other times we have to let people and things go.  

Seasons are a part of life........you can either fight them or go with the ebb and flow.  My contention is that it is much easier to ride the waves than it is to fight the current.  

How do you feel about the seasons of your life? 

Organizing Crap

Ok.  I know.  Not sure I should have used that title but I just couldn't come up with a more appropriate word.  Not sure what that says about my vocabulary but there it is.  

As a professional organizer I spend a lot of time talking to people about their clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, the rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the question of do you love it, value it or need it....really?  These are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

As a life coach, I spend a lot of time talking to people about their emotional clutter.  We go through all the reasons they want to hang on to it, all the excuses, rationalizations, and the justifications.  In the end, I get to the questions of is it helping you, teaching you or getting you to where you want to be now and in the future.....really?  Again, these are not always easy questions to answer honestly and I get that, too.  I have a few things I have refused to let go of, just because.  

All this to say, what we don't want to do is organize crap.  When you throw a bunch of things, that you have not purposefully decided to keep, into a beautiful container, you are organizing crap, it may be beautiful on the outside but on the inside it is not.  When you throw a bunch of emotional clutter into a beautiful home or mask it with something else, you are organizing crap, pretty on the outside but dark and painful on the inside.  It is time to pay attention to what you are keeping.....physically and emotionally.  Pick up each piece, ask the tough questions and decide if it is helping you or hurting you.  In the end, you want to be left with stuff that is going to propel you forward and give you room to grow.  So, don't postpone those decisions that need to be made so that your life can be lived with purpose! 

Comparison

It is the time of year where everyone is figuring out ways they can do better, be better, and look better.   One of the dangers, in this process, is when we begin to compare ourselves to others.  

It is never a good idea for me to compare this 54 year old body to the 20 something year old body on the workout pictures on Pinterest.  Even when I was the 20 something year old, I didn't have that body and didn't have the discipline to ever achieve that body.  It is never a good idea for me to compare my lived in home to the beautiful homes in magazines. My home is beautiful to me but I have raised two boys, 3 cats, and 1 dog in this house, along with my home being open to neighborhood friends and families.  I don't live in a magazine and never will.   It is never a good idea for me to look at all the DIY ideas and get frustrated by what I haven't done or could do.  There are some DIY projects that intrigue me, but there are some that are just not worth my time and effort.....that is just the way it is.  

For 2014, I want to be a better me, not a better version of anyone else, but be a better version of me.  Striving to achieve some of the things others have achieved is only good when it is something I should be striving to achieve.  I am on my own journey, with my own purpose, with my own body, with my own set of obstacles, gifts and talents.  I do want to do things better this year, but I will set my own achievable, manageable goals. 

Comparison is the thief of joy and I choose joy instead of comparison.